You may have noticed I talk a fair bit about acceptance in my blog posts/page. Once again, I was asked how I accepted my pain and why that mattered with respect to going from bed-bound to being able to go back to the gym and do whatever I want. In terms of pain scale: From bed bound and 10/10 pain for a decade to 0//10 and able to live as I please.
The answer is complex. It came over time. I realized I had been fighting. Fighting what? Fighting for a diagnosis, a reason for my pain, a name. A label to give me an answer to how I can get rid of the pain. I was a warrior, a fighter, and victory would be mine! I wouldn’t give up. Every day I fought, harder and harder.
Eventually, I realized that all that fighting was part of my pain. Whaaaaaat?!?!?! I realized that I was heightening my nervous system, keeping it stuck in a fight or flight loop. I was keeping my body on high alert because I wasn’t going to give up, I wasn’t going to give in.
I failed to understand the importance of acceptance– the pain is there, it is what it is today. Just like if it were to rain. I can’t make the rain stop, but I can accept that it is here today. Pain can be handled the same way. I can accept I have pain, but that doesn’t mean I give up on the goal of living bigger.
Letting go is defined as “allowing to escape and to set free” according to dictionary.com.
Giving up? Well, that is something entirely different. Giving up means abandoning hope. I strongly advise against giving up hope. Heck, I entitled my second book Stories of Hope, so I really, really don’t want you to give up on hope! Because there is hope to grab! Letting go, or acceptance gives you the freedom to explore. Freedom to rest. Freedom to reset. It allows you to keep looking without fighting. Never, sell yourself short by giving up. I want you to be able to move beyond pain and live a full life!
These tips from Ilene Strauss Cohen PhD were very helpful in learning to see acceptance of pain (emotional or physical) in a new way. I have adapted some of them slightly to fit the world of chronic pain.
- Understand the relationships you thought you were going to have with movement (or others) may be different than the ones you actually have.
We must accept the person we are at this very moment. If you become aware of who you are and your capabilities and limitations in this moment life can improve. Practice gratitude, and appreciation, focus on the can’s, and trust the process.
- Focus on the now, not the outcome. Focusing on the outcome often leads to disappointment.
Expectations have a tendency to keep us stuck. They lead us to a certain fear of the outcome, usually failure. Or it could be a fear of treatment, of pain with movement, of attempting to clean or socialize. When our expectations aren’t met, we need to work to respond rationally and appropriately. Sometimes this means recognizing treatments give relief but not resolution and that you can’t make a lunch date today, but you could yesterday.
- Don’t live in chains when you have the key.
I keep mentioning our thoughts matter, and they do. If we keep thinking things like “ I can’t do _____ ever again,” or “I’ll never get better,” then it will only get worse. Open your mind to other possibilities. Other things in your life have been hard and changed. This can too.
- Free yourself from the control of pain
When we personalize our pain it has a different sort of control over us. You are in charge, not your pain. Happiness will come when what you think, say, and do are in harmony,
- Leave room to make mistakes.
Everyone makes mistakes.
Many see flares as a result of mistakes. They are part of living with chronic pain and are quite normal. Having a plan to manage them can help you create room for them. I have designed a class just for you to help with that – get it here.
- Accept there are some things you cannot change.
Bring yourself into the present. Stop wishing things could go back to the way they were and start looking forward. Life happens in the now. As hard as this is to read, it’s a step towards healing. Starting where things are today and moving forward.
- Do what scares you.
Fear holds us back from many things. It closes off possibilities of moving beyond our world of pain and finding light. Slowly work to move beyond your fear baby step by baby step. It will give you a larger life, I promise.
- Do what works for you.
You know everyone has a remedy that they think you should try to “fix” your pain, Use your voice. It’s ok to have things that work for you and things that don’t. You haven’t failed. You do you!
- Allow yourself space to feel negative emotions.
Living with pain is hard. It comes with lots of complex emotions. Allow yourself to feel them. Anger, rage, sorrow, confusion…let it all out. Consider counseling to help with the grief and other challenging emotions you may be facing.
- Learn forgiveness.
While doing all my at-home PT exercises I found myself on the floor one day crying harder than I ever had. I had been sitting with anger and sorrow and shame for months and realized I had to forgive myself for being in pain and not being who I wanted to be. That realization unlocked my pain prison. Unforgiveness keeps us locked in place, it keeps us from moving forward.
I hope you find solace in these ideas. I hope you see why this emotional work needs to be done alongside all the movement and exercise you are doing. It is rare that we can handle chronic pain without attending to our whole selves. Over and over again we try to tell our medical teams how much pain has affected our whole lives. Let’s listen to ourselves and start taking care of our whole selves.
I love this quote by Carl Jung,” I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
I can’t wait to hear how you are doing in your journey, Come join us on Facebook for support!
With hope 🌻
Amy
