Admittedly, it’s not an easy task… it’s hard… and sometimes well… it’s irritating. Those people around you that always have a glass that is half full… they are always happy, and bubbly no matter the situation. Frankly to me, they seem fake, I mean seriously who has a good day every day all day?! Not me, that is for darn sure!
But that isn’t exactly what I am talking about. I was sitting in church today and the pastor said” Gratitude is the healthiest emotion psychologists say that we can have. The more grateful we are the healthier we are emotionally.” I know I heard it at church and it DOES have spiritual implications, but for today I just want to muse about gratitude in regard to our situations of pain and dysfunction. After a year and a little bit more of interacting with others in pain like myself, I have noticed that there IS a difference in the way people feel about their situations, no matter HOW bad things are physically.
Trust me and hear me here friend, I am NOT saying you can wish or think your way to a better less pain-free life. That is NOT what I am getting at here. I do believe that we can not always control our bodies or our level of dysfunction. We can’t control the fact it hurts to sit in a car or eat a meal out with our friends, or that while our friends train for a marathon, we lay at home hoping to make it down the stairs to the kitchen…. or that while friends deadlift a zillion lbs in training for that next competition, we have to hold back and try other things. I DO NOT believe you can wish or think your way into those situations.
What I DO think is that while our friends run, lift, and sit through movies AT the movie theater, we don’t HAVE to choose bitterness, and sorrow ALL the time. The resentment and anger at all we have lost and are losing will choke us. It’s easy to be angry, at the family that does not understand and expects us to do “normal” parental things, it is easy to be jealous of the friends that go out and leave us behind because we can’t join them, it’s SUPER easy to be pissed as all get out at the Dr’s and the medical community that looks at us and rolls their eyes, or shrug their shoulders, or don’t call back… We need to be allowed the time and space to really feel these emotions because they are real and we need to own them.
Equally as important is owning, feeling, and finding the moments to be grateful for. The friend that asks how we are, the spouse that handles a household chore, the children that want to simply BE with us, the fresh air we can feel through the window, the sunlight we can see with our eyes, the TV show that makes us laugh. We have to be aware of the little things, we need to pile them up and keep them close, but they ARE out there.
Everywhere, every day, there is something to be grateful for. We have our sight, our hearing, our favorite pet caretaker, food that we love, a conversation with a friend, a roof over our head… I don’t know what your moments are, but I know for me that if I were to focus on all the obstacles I would never have found the will to keep moving forward.
The Israelites had a cool tradition of building alters from rocks in the places where God moved so that they would remember to be grateful. No matter if you think God is fact or fiction… I do think it is important for us to build our own memories of gratitude as we travel on this road with pain.
Write those moments on scraps of paper and toss them in a bowl, or rocks, or keep a journal with the one thing you are glad about today. Sometimes it’s hard and the thoughts are small, but I believe in my heart what the pastor said today… the more grateful we are the healthier we are, and who doesn’t want that!
Jan 15th 2012
