I wanted to share some reflections from when I was invited to tag along to a friend’s doctor appointment. The appointment was at surgeons office that performs SI surgeries. I went along to watch, and to ask “those” questions, you know the ones you think of AFTER you leave the appointment, and to remember all the things he might forget.
The office was nice, grand, and even, it was a warm and welcoming office. Whoever designed it put thought into the ascetics and making a person feel comfortable. We both commented on a spine made of some crystal-like material… it was beautiful – my friend and I both reacted to it emotionally…. neither one of us can name it, but it resonated with something deep within our guts. Maybe it was the idea that the design IS amazing, beautiful, and complex…. this beautiful piece of art is delicate yet strong, like our spines … I digress.
Why are the waits for the doctor’s appointments so long and the chairs so uncomfortable?
It was a long day. I had honestly forgotten how long and horrible those appointments could be, even with the best doctors and the most comfortable chairs. After all the forms were filled out and an intake assessment completed, we finally headed back to the treatment room. It had been hours already. I was impressed with my friend’s ability to keep it together. Sometimes I wonder if those of us who have experienced chronic pain develop x-ray vision or pain ESP… I knew he hurt, but sometimes I wondered if anyone else did.
Then the appointment began. It was so fast! He gave his history, and the Physicians Assistant (PA) asked a few follow-up questions.
To him, the patient, they must have seemed irrelevant, hadn’t he just filled out a million forms telling them all this stuff? In contrast, to her, the PA it gave important information quickly.
So many tests without any talking
Testing, 10-12 tests in a matter of fewer than 3 minutes. How could he ever know that those tests gave valuable information to those that know what they mean? It must have felt like a whirlwind of a few tiny things. To her, it told a story of what was happening or sometimes more important what WASN’T happening divided by various bodily systems. X-rays taken and reviewed – of his spine
The things we as patients never hear at doctor’s appointments.
*****Conversation out of the room with the Dr.********
What happens in these conversations? It’s a mystery that patients are on the other side of… we never hear what the Dr says to his assistant. The door is closed, and we sit, lay, pace in pain waiting… like my friend did… feeling like nothing is happening, nothing is changing…. waiting for what we believe is our real issue to be addressed.
Isolated from the conversations informing our care… why I wonder. At this appointment I am not the patient waiting for answers, waiting to be told what is going to happen next… feeling powerless in a room. This time I am capable of understanding more… even of the conversations we can’t hear.
Maybe we aren’t being ignored like we think we are… it’s a new thought, the first time I’ve ever had it. But we are under-informed. Especially those of us that are curious, and want to participate in our own care and decision-making.
The reappearance after the conversation we never hear.
The mysterious conversation ends, and the PA reappears. She invites the patient to lay down… her hands prepared for a compression test. I hold my breath and wince. Single tears appear in the corners of my eyes… it’s a visceral reaction.
I am sure this test will cause him pain, and I also know it’s necessary. I want to vomit. More SI provocation testing, more positive responses… He has no idea what these tests are, or why they hurt so bad. He asks me later if the PA knew it would hurt him like that?! ‘ He screamed it hurt so bad and stated he felt like someone had torn him in half.” The PA didn’t respond other than to usher him out of the room. Another series of x-rays ordered, this time pelvic.
It’s rather reasonable to expect your Medical Professional to inform you about what they are doing and why. Yet, my friend, now in intense pain, wonders what the heck is going on. His referral to this office was for his SI pain… why would they be testing for anything else… or even LOOKING at anything else. He never really asks. More importantly, they never tell him.
The appointment continues and at the end, he moved from step 1 to step 90 of a 100-step process. He has no idea how far that appointment took him in the process. I am satisfied with the level of investigation and ruling in and out of various diagnoses. I am dissatisfied with the care of my friend, but the medicine was above average. He and his Dad express deep frustration with the appointment.
We saw with different eyes.
I see the wide chasm of information between the patient and provider. I try to fill in some of the spaces, but it’s hard… to know my place, to know how much to say or not to say. The doctors were kind, accepting, and even grateful for my questions on my friend’s behalf. I am thankful for that. I look forward to meeting the surgeon with my friend and hope to get more clarity on his situation. In the meantime, I wonder…
Why don’t we as patients ask more of our providers at our doctor’s appointments?
So many unspoken moments happen in an appointment that can inform, educate and help us move along with our providers if we knew what was happening. Do we think we will be an inconvenience? That we can’t take up more time? I addressed the providers on this issue in this post here.
How would your journey change if you asked more of the questions that happen in your head? Would you feel like you had more say in your own journey? More control of what was happening with you and your care? It’s more important than you think. Consider how things might be different if you speak up.
Or maybe if your provider took the time to tell you about what all those “pony tricks” have told them about your situation and what they are going to do next and why. Would it change things? Might you trust more? Is it possible you might feel more taken care of, or like your Dr knew what they were doing and what they were looking for?
Maybe at that next appointment, you can try asking, and see what happens.
Catch me on social media in my FB group for those with Persisting Pain.
