Establishing boundaries is one of the most important things to do when experiencing chronic pain. Living with chronic pain can be an exceptionally daunting and depleting experience. It can impinge upon each part of your life, from work to relationships, and it can be arduous to determine how to cope with the pain on a daily basis. They are a fence around you to guard your physical self, your emotions, and your necessities, and they are pivotal when it comes to managing chronic pain.
In this blog post, we will contemplate why it is significant to establish boundaries with family, medical professionals, and companions to help you stick to pacing. We will also inspect how acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), trauma therapy, and individual values can be valuable in how to develop and maintain healthy boundaries.EditMore like this
Why do people with chronic pain often have trouble with boundaries?
People with chronic pain often struggle to set boundaries due to various factors, including fear of rejection, guilt, and shame. Firstly, Chronic pain can affect every aspect of your life, from your ability to work and socialize to your relationships and self-esteem. You may feel like a burden to your loved ones, ashamed of your condition, or afraid of losing your job or social status. These feelings can make it challenging to assert your needs and set boundaries with others
Another reason why people with chronic pain often struggle with boundaries is that they may be accustomed to ignoring their body’s signals. When you live with chronic pain, it can be easy to push yourself too hard, which can exacerbate your symptoms. This can make it challenging to establish and maintain healthy boundaries, as you may feel like you need to constantly push yourself to keep up with others.
Can I get an amen? It’s not just me is it?
The importance of talking with family and friends
Establishing limits with loved ones is essential for those living with chronic pain, as even well-meaning individuals may not be able to comprehend its effect on daily life. Thus, it is necessary to articulate your needs and restrictions openly to ensure you get the correct kind of care and assistance.
For instance, if someone wishes to plan an activity that is too demanding for you to partake in, politely decline and offer an explanation. It may sound like, “I appreciate the offer, however, I’m unable to join in that activity at this time. Could we plan something else that would be more suitable for me? I am more than happy to give you suggestions”.
Setting boundaries with medical providers
Managing chronic pain is significantly improved by establishing limits with medical practitioners. Even though they are dedicated to helping you, they may not have insight into the magnitude of your distress. Consequently, it is essential to be forthright with your demands and requirements when interacting with your medical team.
Additionally, it is imperative to provide them with knowledge regarding your pain level, medication side effects, and the effectiveness of treatments, so that your medical team and you are collaborating with each other and are able to adjust your plans as needed.
To read more about communicating with your medical team check out these posts. How to CHAT about pain, and Goal Setting with your Provider to get ideas on what some boundaries might look like
For instance, when interacting with a physical therapist, you must verbalize any ache or unease during your sessions. You could state something like, “This exercise is bringing on much pain and I am uncertain if it is benefitting me. Would it be possible to attempt something else?”
Benefits of Boundaries
Having boundaries can help you manage your chronic pain and stay on track with your pacing. Pacing refers to the process of balancing activity and rest to prevent pain flares and fatigue. If you push yourself too hard, you may experience pain flares and setbacks that can hinder your progress. If you rest too much, you may become deconditioned and experience more pain and stiffness. By setting boundaries with family, medical providers, and friends, you can communicate your pacing goals and ensure that everyone is on the same page.
Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
ACT and trauma therapy are evidence-based approaches that can help you establish healthy boundaries based on your personal values and prioritize them when making decisions. ACT is a mindfulness-based therapy that focuses on accepting your thoughts and emotions while committing to actions that align with your values.
This therapy can help you set boundaries by helping you identify your personal values and goals. You may value your health, relationships, work, or hobbies, for instance. By identifying your values, you can determine what kind of boundaries you need to establish to achieve your goals. For instance, if you value your health, you may need to set boundaries with your family and friends to avoid activities that exacerbate your pain or fatigue. If you value your work, you may need to set boundaries with your employer to ensure that you have adequate accommodations and support.
One way to use ACT to establish boundaries is to identify your values For example, if you value spending time with your family, but you know that a particular activity will exacerbate your pain, you might decide to set a boundary and decline the invitation.
Utilizing Trauma Therapy to Learn to Establish Boundaries
Trauma therapy is an effective tool to tackle the lasting effects of trauma and provide relief from the symptoms of chronic pain. It is a tailored approach that helps to build healthy boundaries, allowing you to be able to assert your needs and take control of your situation. The therapy is useful in identifying any unresolved trauma from the past that could be contributing to your current suffering, as well as providing coping strategies for managing your chronic pain. Not only does trauma therapy help build healthier boundaries, but it also has a soothing effect on the nervous system.
Conclusion
Moving towards self-management of chronic pain involves acquiring a bunch of new skills and tools. Boundaries are an important part of learning to care for ourselves, our bodies, and our mental health so that we can be the people we want to be and participate in activities we value. If you haven’t worked with a trauma therapist or a therapist that uses Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, I highly recommend it. It can really be life-changing. Chronic pain is often traumatic in and of itself, you deserve to feel good. If you haven’t learned how to set boundaries. It’s never too late. Just remember, boundaries are not ultimatums, they are an instruction booklet for how you want to be treated and interacted with. You’ve got this.
