A loss of one of our own… a pain too great to shoulder alone.
My heart is heavy, heavier than it has been in a very very long time. This seems impossible to write about, and yet the idea of staying silent hurts just as much as trying to write.
January 9th, 2012 we lost one of our own. I got a call from one of the beautiful women who I do SIJD outreach with and I knew what she was going to say before she said it. I didn’t want the words to come from her mouth, but they did and they hit me like a truck barreling down a highway at full speed. “Amy, Cindy* killed herself.” There were more words but I can’t remember them as my body went into shock.
I screamed tears began to pour from my eyes. This is WRONG. So very very very very wrong. Cindy didn’t have incurable cancer, or an inoperable tumor, or a rare unknown disease, she had SIJ pain. This 45-year-old woman had PAIN and had fallen so far into despair because of the lack of help available to her in her community and the immense pain she was in with no sign of help she could no longer hold out that help REALLY was available, anywhere. That help anywhere, was real, was too hard for her to hold onto.
While talking to another friend that had walked beside Cindy over these last 5 months trying to give aid and comfort we agreed that losing her was like losing someone who you had been in battle with, losing a fellow soldier. But it’s not just that she was wounded in action… it’s far more horrific than that.. she was SHOT while being carried TO a medic! Those are NOT the rules of war. It grieves me to my core that her story ended this way.
Dear friend, I don’t know the troubles and pains that your life has seen. I don’t know what your resources are. But please… please reach out to those around you. Despair and hopelessness can win this war, share your burden. GET help from those you trust. Let someone into your wounded world. This is NOT a death sentence.
*name has been changed to protect privacy
Jan 21 2012
