Understanding Pain Flares: What I’ve Learned from My Journey
Pain flares drove me up a freaking wall during my journey through pain. Just when I thought I had things under control, BAM! My pain would spike, and I’d lose my mind, my hope, and my will to keep going. In short, pain flares suck.
One of the most memorable pain flares I had was after surgery. I had been progressing slowly and was finally ready to venture out and see people. So, I attended our small group Bible study, thinking it would be a nice night out with folks I enjoyed. I sat there the whole time, and yet the next day, my SI joint was on fire, my pelvis felt heavy, and my legs burned. I couldn’t sit. It was horrible! All I did was SIT for goodness’ sake!
I drove myself crazy trying to figure out what I had done to hurt myself and why I deserved this intense, mind-numbing pain and pressure that derailed my hope. I was determined to understand so it wouldn’t happen again.
During a bad pain flare, things got really crazy in my head. The “pain fog,” as I like to call it, would be in full effect, limiting my intellectual capabilities. My attention span and patience disappeared. Each day of a pain flare presented challenges, a wide range of emotions, limitations, and seemingly endless frustrations that many with chronic pain deal with regularly. It derailed my hope and clouded my ability to see that I was improving. It was hard to see anything positive.
That Bible study was eight years ago. I’ve learned a lot since then, but I can still feel how crazy-making that spike in my pain was. I want to share ten things I’ve learned about pain flares during my 20-year journey with pain. My hope is these truths will help you feel a little less alone and a little less crazy because you aren’t crazy, and it’s not your fault.
1. Pain Flares Are Really Hard to Predict
I wish I could tell you that writing things down would help you find a pattern for every flare. The reality is that it might help with some pain flares, but pain is SO multifactorial that tracking it can be tricky. Pain is a response to all the things that enter the nervous system, and no two days are the same. It’s okay that they sneak up on you; you’re not alone in this.
2. They Last for Random Amounts of Time
Sometimes my increased pain lasted for weeks, while other times it was just a few hours or a day. It made me so angry not knowing when I would return to normal. I had learned to handle my regular pain, but the pain flares? Nope. I never really learned to cope with those. Believe me, the randomness drove me insane.
3. It WILL End
Hindsight is always 20/20, and I can promise you the flares end, and you can and will return to your baseline. I’m sure you want to know the magic fix to stop the flare. Wish I could tell you, but it was different every time. Hang on, though—it will end. Keep telling yourself: It will end!
4. Stop Squirreling Your Meds Away: USE Them!
Please tell me I’m not the only one who did this. I’d wait until life was excruciating and I was on the brink of taking my own life due to the pain before using my meds. Let’s be frank: getting the meds is a whole different blog post. It’s hard and costs us emotional energy and a lot of other things—that’s true. HOWEVER, if you’re hurting, you SHOULD use your meds. That’s why the doctor gave them to you. Please, use them! Decrease your suffering, quiet the crazy in your brain, and ease the stress. Take the meds.
5. You Are Not Being Punished
Do you find yourself thinking you’re being punished for past transgressions? I spent too much time believing my pain was a cosmic punishment. I thought it was given to me by God to make me dependent on Him or that it was my fault for not being more faithful. If you’re doing this, I implore you to stop. You are not being punished. You didn’t deserve this. Pain happens, as do flares.
6. Be Gentle with Yourself
I cried a lot. Flare-ups made me even more temperamental, irrational, emotional, and hopeless. I felt helpless, and the pain wore on me. Being isolated and lacking people in my extroverted life felt like a slow suicide. My ability to cope slipped away with every flare. My home, which I loved, became a prison. I was angry and didn’t even realize it.
I wanted more, expected more, and wasn’t very kind to myself. If anyone else had heard the things I said in my head, they would have told me to be kinder. So I’m telling you: be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can. Give yourself the grace you’d give others.
7. Sometimes It’s So Bad, It Really Is Hard to Move
There were days it was all I could do to keep breathing. I’m not sure anyone who hasn’t been in pain understands that, but I know you do. There were days when all I could do was lie in bed, cry, and remind myself to breathe. It increased my fear of movement, and I didn’t even realize it. If I’d practiced being gentle with myself, those days might have been easier. Sometimes doing the best we can means laying in bed and breathing.
8. Analyzing Every Single Thing You Did Isn’t Always Helpful
In panic and fear, I can be an amazing over-thinker. In my desire to NEVER have another flare, I’d consider every move I made before the flare and add to my list of “things not to do.” The more I thought about all the things I couldn’t do and how I might have injured myself, the more it seemed to increase my pain.
9. It’s Okay to Be Overwhelmed
Pain IS overwhelming. I felt fuzzy and crazy and unable to handle one more thing. Your brain changes with pain. Your nervous system is overwhelmed. Changes happen, and they are real. Repeat after me: IT’S OKAY TO BE OVERWHELMED.
10. Pain Flares Don’t Necessarily Mean Damage
This was the hardest lesson to grasp. Realizing that pain is just pain—not damage—was crucial. More pain doesn’t mean more damage, but it does indicate a need for change. By altering how I moved, thought, and lived, I began to gain better control over my flares and my pain. You can, too!
Everyone needs a plan for when flares come along.
This course was created with you in mind to help you create your own personalized plan. Grab it here now.
