50 weeks 1 day
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 2012 bring change, hope and mobility to you!!!!!!!!!
One year ago tomorrow I left for Georgia to undergo a surgery that I knew was not the “right” surgery to fix the issues with my SI joint. I loaded up on drugs to survive the plane ride. My husband packed our bags, and helped me limp through the airport and encouraged me to use the walker we were bringing with for after surgery. I hated to admit it helped me. I knew I was broken, and hurt and in a place I could no longer live with, but I refused to believe JUST how bad my situation was…. I kept going back and forth between maybe I am so broken that I can’t be fixed and maybe I just haven’t done the right things and these people in Georgia can show me what to do…. Every step was calculated, it was beyond painful, and as I look back I honestly have no idea how I survived as long as I did.
A year ago today I went to a local spa to try and relax some before taking off…. a lovely woman encouraged me to try a facial because I was too scared to have the massage… and to be honest I wasn’t sure that I could lay on the table for a full hour. She asked if I was alright, if she could do anything to make me more comfortable… the table was heated and felt good, she brought a roll for my knees and ankles and got me as comfortable as was humanly possible… her kindness threatened tears…. My skin was so dry… I mean really… like I was going to take the time standing to care for my face! no… but I had had a facial or two in the past and I remembered them as relaxing…
This lovely woman talked with me as she worked on my skin… she asked politely about my pain… and what I was going to do… I told her about my upcoming surgery. She did not know me, and yet felt so much compassion for me… she gave me extra time and attention that she did not charge for… she was gentle and yet she massaged sore shoulders, tried to relax my neck, made my skin shine and offered calming scents….. she really made me feel like a princess in that time…. someone that was just like everyone else… those moments are so precious. It was a very impactful series of moments. That this stranger saw the depths of my pain, and used her skills and talents to try and ease them for even a moment. She told me next time I came in for a treatment with her I needed to book an hour…. I promised to remember
I had an appointment with her for yesterday, and I booked the hour, and it was heavenly! I have seen her as I have come into the massage therapist I use and she ALWAYS smiles and says oh, Amy, your looking so much better!!!! Every time… every single time.
It has been about 4 months since we have seen each other and when I walked in for my appointment yesterday her …. well… JOY at seeing me move was felt in her smile and her words. This stranger, that had offered such pure feedback, was so excited to see me moving so fluidly, so easily, so NORMALLY. We talked while she worked her magic. All smiles she simply observed that my skin was better, the pain was totally gone from my face and eyes, that I no longer looked pained with every movement, and she is right. I enjoyed every moment of that conversation and treatment. I am amazed at how encouraging those small moments with the “strangers” in our lives can be…. the woman who makes my drink at starbucks, the dry cleaner, the people in the places you do every so often… that REALLY see the changes in larger chunks…. These sometimes people have made me see the bigger picture that can be so hard to see in the day to day. I cherish those comments and really try to let them sink in and remind me where I am today.
Tomorrow will be SO very different than a year ago. I am still leaving for a week… two actually.
This week I have packed my own suitcase, as well as my childrens. Tomorrow we leave for an away swim meet, 2.5 hours by car… I will sit for hours on hard wooden stands cheering my kids on to personal bests and rubber ducks… we will spend the night in a hotel and do it all again on Sat morning… then Ben and I will head up to Chicago to take off in another plane headed for a different place… a vacation… a cruise – where we will scuba dive and snorkel and maybe even dance! The sway of the boat my still make me sick, but it won’t hurt me. I won’t be asking for ice to sit on at dinner, I won’t need my PT to sneak me supplies to take on the cruise too keep me functional. I will travel with Kenesio tape and some over the counter meds.. and 1 flexeril… in case the 2 tank dive was to ambitious. I am at the point now where my belly still rumbles a little at the thought of new adventures, but I am not so afraid that I won’t try, and I am experienced enough to know how to help myself in most situations. There are trade offs, for an active life. I am willing to do them now without feeling like a failure. If Kenesio tape is all I need to scuba dive… seriously… seriously… what’s a little tape now and then?!
If it’s good enough for the Olympic athletes, it’s good enough for me!
So, I’m not going to be around for a few weeks… because once I get back from our wonderful cruise I will be headed off to see my best friend and her kids in a back to back trip…. I’ve never done it before, but I am quiet confident I can do it now. Have a wonderful few weeks friends, and I promise to let you know how things went as soon as my feet touch the ground again!